Science jokes


"I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down."

Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

"Do you know the name Pavlov?" "It rings a bell."

What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

What do you call a computer that can sing? A Dell.

Did you hear that the moon is broke? It's down to its last quarter.

Want to hear a joke about nitric oxide? NO

Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

What does a Mathematician with constipation do? Work it out with a pencil.

Why is the pH of YouTube stable? It constantly buffers.

My friend POWER has been stressed all week. His boss has been making him WORK over TIME.

Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is meat in its ground state.

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”

Why can't you trust atoms? They make up everything!

Did you hear NASA are opening a restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, but the preacher says "Get out of here, you are a disgrace; you call yourself the ‘God particle' when there is only one true God!" The Higgs Boson replies "Well if I am not here, how can you have mass?"

Argon walks into a bar. The barman says "Get out of here - we don't serve noble gases". .........Argon doesn't react.
Should I tell a sodium joke? Na.
Why does a hamburger have a lower energy than steak? It's in a ground state (Americans will understand this!)
How do you organise a space party? You planet.
He threw sodium chloride at me - that's a salt!
Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's OK now.
Two men walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H2O". The second said "I'll have some H2O too". The second man died.
I'd write some more Chemistry jokes, but all the good ones Argon.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if it needs help with its luggage "No thanks, I'm travelling light"
A farmer has problems with his chickens: all of the sudden, they are all getting very sick. After trying all conventional means, he calls a physist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The physist trys. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."
A solar physicist walks into a bar, gets the bartender's attention, and says "I'd like a Mexican beer, please."
The bartender immediately begins shouting "OK, everybody out! Right now! Everyone out of the bar!" And he heards all the patrons out into the street, slamming the door behind them.
The solar physicist shakes his head ruefully. "Darn," he says, "I should have seen that Corona mass ejection coming!"

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle says "You can never be sure how many beers you had last night."
We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

Q: What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other? A: "Gotta split!"

Q: What did Donald Duck say in his IB physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!

There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily and those who can't... (think about it!)

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective? A: Sherlock Ohms

A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

Q: What is the difference between an ohm and a coulomb? A: The answer is given in the following images.


What is the definition of "electron?" What the US did in 1980 and 1984.

Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which class it belongs to? Answer:If it's green and wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Where does bad light end up? In a prism!

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

Heisenberg gets stopped on the motorway by the police. Cop: Do you know how fast you were going sir? Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.

An infinite number of Mathematicians walk into a bar.The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says “I hate you guys” and pours two beers.

The Large Hadron Collider walks into a pub and orders a drink. The Barman says "Sorry, we don't serve Large hadron Colliders in here.", to which the Large Hadron Collider replies "That's OK, I'm broke anyway".

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The neutron says "how much will that be?", to which the barman replies "To charge".

Katie was in chemistry. Katie is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch? A: Fission Chips.

Two atoms walking down the road. One says to the other "Oh no, I think I've lost an electron". "Are you sure?" says the other. "yes, I'm positive" he replies.

Did you hear about the aliens who landed at Elland Road (Home of Mr Rayner's beloved Leeds United). They atmosphere.

Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole? A: Avocados number.

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?